I read her mind and jumped to the conclusion she didn’t like me. Last month, a girl I was texting took ages to text me back. The next 4 I’m going to rapid-fire at you. That’s two cognitive distortions so far: thinking in extremes and discounting the positive. Don’t discount it as “oh, they’re just saying that.” There’s always a kernel of truth in there. Soak in evidence that affirms your worth as a student or coworker or boss. The antidote to this thought pattern? Believe people when they give you praise. Burns, discounting the positive results in “intense misery and an inability to appreciate the good things that happen.” ![]() See this example too: discounting the positive at workĪccording to Dr. Burns calls this discounting the positive, or disqualifying the positive. Whenever I had a positive experience, or found evidence that suggested I have worth, my mind rejected it: “That was a fluke. I noticed this pattern in other contexts, too. And my mind refuses evidence that contradicts that. But I immediately dismissed it.īecause in my mind I’m a mediocre engineer and an imposter. My manager had praised me: she said I did well and delivered a complex project. Let me share, by far, the most insidious thought pattern. Notice I'm using a rational response, not just a cheerful one. Second, it’s not true that I or anyone else always fails-I’ve failed at some things in life and succeeded at others.ĭo you see? This kind of thinking fires for me now when I notice a negative thought. We built a tool students liked.Įven if we didn’t make a killing or get into Y Combinator or whatever, we didn’t fail. I shipped a product outside work for the first time. First, Quickapply wasn't a complete failure. And so I’m a failure.”īut no, this isn’t accurate. “Quickapply, the startup I was working on failed. I also sometimes can’t help thinking in extremes. My mom had an automatic thought that was plain incorrect. Reality isn’t black or white, nor is my mom’s experience all sad or happy. I bring this up because my mom’s statement is an example of thinking in extremes and I showed her so. Yes I sound annoying but CBT is not about cheering people up. It’s not true that all the days were sad.” “In your years in America, some days were happy, and some days were sad. I responded, telling her, “Well Mom, that’s not true the way you’ve said it.” I was talking to my mom once when she was not feeling so good.Īt one teary-eyed moment, my mom said “I’ve never been happy the last twenty years in America.”Īt that statement, I morphed into my alter ego, who moonlights as an amateur CBT practitioner. Types of Negative & Untrue Thought Patterns I am not a substitute for professional help, nor is this book. Mostly, this article is about those patterns. These negative and untrue thoughts come in eleven patterns. If you see how your negative thoughts are untrue, you can defuse them and feel better.Your negative thoughts are in some crucial way untrue: they are not accurate perceptions of reality.Your negative thoughts create your negative emotions. The book’s central idea is that your moods are caused by your thoughts: This book is an excellent primer on using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to feel better. David Burns’ Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I present to you today, the #1 book therapists recommend their depressed patients:ĭr. Now, a kind of armor goes up when I’m about to dip into a negative episode.Īrmor built from self-compassion and forgiveness and an arsenal of self-care technique.Īnd on this rainy Sunday, I bring you some of this arsenal from a very special book. ![]() I could feel better for a day or two, but for months, I was always on edge, knowing another bad day was right around the corner. Then, it became sadder and sadder: my startup fizzling out my dad getting a health scare my grandpa passing away. It began with small nuisances, like moving out of San Francisco and moving back home.
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